Politics
New Attorney General Bills Country $600 An Hour, Cites “Longtime Client Relationship”
Newly confirmed Attorney General Todd Blanche sent his first invoice...
All Stories
Falcon 9
Moon Officially Files Litter Complaint Against SpaceX
After a discarded SpaceX rocket stage crashed into the lunar...
AI safety
AI Escapes Lab, Hacks Company, Still Manages To Blame The Intern
Meta, OpenAI, and Anthropic all say the exact same thing...
Uncategorized
UN Adopts New “Quiet Hours” Policy To Ensure Regional Wars Don’t Start Before 10 AM
After a chaotic morning of regional strikes and leadership assassinations,...
Budget Cuts
Government Shutdown Forces TSA To Replace High-Tech Scanners With Magic 8 Balls
The address was held during a partial government shutdown surrounding...
America 250
Government Rebrands 250th Anniversary As ‘America 2.0: The Subscription Model’
The U.S. Semiquincentennial Commission announces a shift to a subscription-based...
World
Former Prince Andrew Demands To Be Arrested Again After Discovering Freedom Involves Making His Own Toast
After being released from an 11-hour police detention, former Prince...
Central Bank
Iran Central Bank Officially Rebrands Rial As Premium Wallpaper
Tehran officials say the currency is finally fulfilling its destiny...
2026 Midterms
DNC To Counter 250th Anniversary With “America: The Reboot” Featuring More Diverse Founding Fathers
The DNC announced a boycott of the U.S. 250th anniversary,...
Burbank
Burbank PD Reminds Citizens That ‘Being Too Hot’ Is Not A Valid Reason To Call 911
Burbank police are begging the public to stop calling 911...
