Chicago, IL – A recent study has found that the majority of people who confidently boast about not needing directions actually just end up getting lost anyways.
The study, conducted by the Institute of Wayfinding and Navigation, surveyed thousands of individuals who claimed they didn’t need GPS or maps to get from point A to point B. However, the results showed that over 80% of these individuals ended up lost. In an attempt to regain their sense of direction status, a whopping 91.1% of them glance at their GPS on their phones, then immediately close the program, hoping that anyone that was around didn’t see them.
John Wayfair, an avid explorationist and GPS refuser, was one of many that part of the study. “I mean, directions are cool and all, but honestly, who needs them? I can just follow the stars and the sun. The people on the Oregon Trail did it, why can’t we?!” he exclaimed. “I played that game so much, I learned to be a master pathfinder from that. My forefathers didn’t use GPS, so why should I?”
However, the study’s lead researcher, Dr. Mapquest, was quick to dismiss these excuses. “We all have moments of disorientation and uncertainty,” he said. “It’s okay to admit when we need help finding our way and nearly the entire population has a cell phone. Folks touring from all over the world, come here and end up jamming traffic because they have no clue where they are going. Do some common sense, and use your phone’s navigation system.”
The city of Chicago is touted to be the most congested city in North America, resulting in hundreds of dollars wasted on gas from sitting idle. Experts believe that a good 85.4% of the traffic is attributed to folks who get lost, stop traffic by swerving multiple lanes to an exit and arguing with any passengers claiming they’re lost.
In response to the study, GPS companies have begun offering classes on the art of navigation, with the hope of converting these stubborn holdouts and saving them from a lifetime of getting lost. Developers of the Oregon Trail have refused to comment at this time.
So next time you’re tempted to ditch the GPS, just remember: getting lost is never a badge of honor.
